Amused young African American couple sitting and huggingAs most of us know, a great relationship doesn’t start and end with sex. But a healthy sex life does form an integral part of it. In fact, almost 80% of men and 66% of women view sex as important to their relationships. And research shows that when one’s sex life is assessed as “good”, it adds 15-20% positive value to a relationship. But when one’s sex live is reported to be “bad or non-existent”, it plays an inordinately powerful negative role, draining the relationship of its positive value, by 50-70%!

And for the critics out there, it’s important to note that sex isn’t just physical. It’s an opportunity to express feelings that words cannot … an emotional experience that brings you closer with your partner … and, for some, the ultimate expression of their love. Not only does it foster a unique closeness, it can also provide comfort in times of stress, anxiety or other troubles. And it can help to keep things fresh and exciting, as couples “rediscover” each other through varied forms of sexual expression.

Timing and Frequency
Unfortunately, “importance” can be very subjective. While one person might view daily sex as crucial, another might think they’re doing a pretty good job fitting it in once every week or two. As long as a couple is on the same page, there are typically no problems. If it works for both of you, great! It’s when there is a difference in opinion that problems begin to arise.

Sex Drive Compatibility
If one person has a higher sex drive than their partner, they can start to feel unfulfilled. The other partner may wonder what the big deal is. (“Come on, it’s just sex!”) But for the unfulfilled partner, it can be a huge deal. They may begin to feel unwanted or unloved, and may even turn to sex substitutes, such as food, alcohol, drugs, even infidelity. Or they may just become angry and resentful. As a result, the relationship starts to suffer on all levels, which in turn, leads to even less sex, thus perpetuating a vicious cycle of conflict.

Making Time
The key to a healthy sexual relationship is often compromise – whether you’re the one who occasionally has sex when you’re not in the mood, or the one who goes without for a few days. Another key is being proactive – trying new things in the bedroom, seeking counseling, or simply making time for sex. There are a number of things that can slowly but surely erode your sex life – from busy schedules and kids to aging/changing bodies and lack of communication – but if you make sex a priority (instead of letting it become the white elephant in the room), you can keep the passion alive and your relationship healthy.
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